Thursday, 22 November 2012

To Die Alone

This poem was inspired by an article I read about the mugging and subsequent death of Paula Castle, may she rest in peace.

To Die Alone

Oh selfish world, so cruel and unkind
I'll be happy to finally be leaving you behind
and maybe I'll find peace where I'm going
for there's none here;
on this cold earth, there's only fear,
for what the days and nights may bring.
I won't cling
to life any more...

He died- my son, my husband too
They left me here alone, it's true.
And alone I have been
and alone I have felt
and alone I have dealt
with the blows life have brung 
and quiet and stoic, I've hung
out my clothes to dry,
along with so many hopes
that had gone awry...

Long ago I stopped speaking to people,
for they don't understand or care
empathy has always been rare.
I never let it show
the slow
agony of a solitary life
I never watched him grow
He never watched me age
I felt so much rage
build inside over the years
how many silent tears
have fallen down these 
weathered cheeks

For it's these tears that have made me
partially blind,
and when they pushed me,
to the ground
I couldn't breathe, 
I couldn't see,
I couldn't find

I was so scared
I heard a young boy,
his voice cold
he told
me to give him my bag
But I didn't have time,
a trick of the mind
I thought
but suddenly, 
with one swift push
I fell and
my head hit the concrete
it was a lowly defeat.

...and as I lay alone, I hissed
Am I going to die like this?
Is this really how it's going to end?
I needed to lend
myself the strength
But I didn't have any left.
The ground was so cold
and I was so old
right there, I watched my life unfold
before me...

And as I lay
shook and afraid
the brightness of the sun,
half blinded this blind soul
Life had taken it's toll.

I leave behind this world. 
I don't know it any more
these streets, these crimes,
what are they all for?

Long ago I tore myself away
from the cruelness of life
I kept myself to myself
but strife
found it's way back to me
and in this cold alley
I lay dying
and silently crying to myself
is this the end?