The
Interview
Tolu gazed back at her reflection in the glass window of River Island. She looked positively raggedy in her baggy faded blue jacket, her old black trousers and beat up Reebok Classics. She most definitely didn't look like she was going for a job interview. Ah hell, I should have at least borrowed Abayomi's ballet pumps she thought as she entered the trendy clothes shop on Oxford Street. The security guard eyed her suspiciously at the entrance, she smiled at him earnestly then and he looked away embarrassed. Tolu glanced at her watch as she wandered around, it was quarter to ten, she was early for her interview. As she loafed around the store, Tolu browsed uninterestedly through racks upon racks of different coloured material. She looked positively uncomfortable. Tolu had never been one for shopping, or fashion, or stores in general. In fact clothe shops made her particularly queasy, but hanging around there sure as heck beat hanging about by the door of the office. She glanced at her watch again after a while. It had just gone five to. Alright, she thought, I may as well get this over with.
She exited the shop and walked a few feet ahead until she reached a small door half open between two shops. Tolu looked inside, there was a young chap in a crisp suit standing in the doorway.
'I'm here to see Erin Samuels' he said into the intercom.
Tolu heard a women's voice on the other side saying come on up, before the door buzzed open, Tolu quickly slipped through the door behind the suited chap.
'Are you here for the interview, for the job at the Natural History Museum?' she asked as followed him up the stairs.
'Yeah, I'm guessing you are too?'
'Yup.'
As they entered through another door a group of trendy young people, all dressed smartly were sat in the lobby. They looked like professional hipsters, if there was such a thing! A lady, probably Erin, appeared then with a corporate smile on her face.
'Right okay, follow me'
They all followed her through the offices into a small board room with comfy black corporate looking chairs around it, the kind you'd imagine on The Apprentice. Tolu walked over to the back of the room and sunk into a chair in the corner. She looked around the room then at the people around her. They were all quite young, maybe around her age and they all had a creative look about them, unlike her they were dressed to impressed- in that alternative chic hipster fashion. In fact they all looked like they walked right out of the pages of I.D magazine or Tank. As she listened to a few of them exchange words, she quickly picked up on their posh accents, they sounded middle-class for sure. Tolu suddenly felt a bit out of place.
'I've got some paperwork for you all to fill out' Erin said as she began passing down massive wads of paper. Tolu flicked over them incredulously when they finally reached her.
'Ill be back in a bit,' the lady said before leaving the room.
You've got to be kidding me, Tolu thought as she hesitantly picked up a pen and began to fill out the first sheet in her trademark scruffy handwriting.
'Anyone know what wmp stands for?' she asked when she reached the second page. It was full of random little boxes and bits of text.
'I don't know what half this shit means' one of the girls replied. Tolu left it blank and went on to the next page and then the page after that...
Soon after everyone had finished filling out the forms, conversations started up across the room. Tolu listened to everyone talk about where they were from and what they had been doing. She was right, most of them were artists (or actors or theatre practitioners). As time went on and words had been shared, Tolu had come up with playful, and what she thought, were quite apt names for everyone around the table.
First there was Afroman, a tall guy with a golden streak in his bushy afro. He was wearing a pin stripe shirt under his punkish leather jacket. He was currently in the process writing a novel about a boy with a disability. Then was Nerdy, he had shiny blond hair and was wearing a v-neck jumper, his face was framed in squarish glasses. Nerdy had just finished his degree in illustration and had recently had his work published in The Observer. Then there was Rabbit Girl, she was an actress who had just left her job at Cyber Candy in the city, she wore a green jacket and had a side plait. Miss Priss definitely looked the poshest out of all of them, she spoke the poshest too. She had just finished her degree in Art History and was looking for gallery work. She had emailed about thirty places that week to find a job or a placement. Then there was Pretty Boy, he had that rich boy look about him, he spoke with a certain confidence. He had finished his masters at the University of Arts and had since applied for over two hundred placements, or so he claimed. Irish Blondie looked like the oldest in the group, he had also finished a masters in Fine Art. Then there was Red-Head, she was a newbie in London, a confident theatre practitioner looking for a job. And then there was Slick. The dark-haired mysterious guy Tolu had followed up, he had wavy shoulder length hair, a tiny moustache and of course he was wearing that crisp suit. Tolu wondered then what her name would be...
Soon a different lady came into the room and began going over the forms. Once she had finished she collected all the paperwork back.
'Okay now for the ice-breaker. I want you to get to know the person sitting next to you. I want to know what they've been doing for the last couple of years, what their interests are and then I want you both to come up with a joke.' The Asian lady left then and Tolu reluctantly turned to Slick, the dark-haired boy with the crisp suit and tiny moustache.
'So what are we supposed to discussing?' he asked.
'I have no idea, I spaced out,' Tolu replied.
'Ah I hate this sort of thing.'
'Yeah me too.'
'So what have you been doing for the last two years then?'
Tolu thought for a minute, what have I been doing?
'Floating, ah I don't know all sorts of stuff...' she said vaguely before quickly turning it around, 'What about you?'
'Err I recently finished my degree in Fine Art at Bournemouth.'
'Oh cool, did you like the course?'
'Yeah, no... it was great. For my final year project I walked the Thames path and recorded the sounds along the way.
'No way, now that's interesting!' Tolu said genuinely, she'd always liked walking, especially along waterways or rivers.
'Yeah the recording came out really good. I started walking at 1'am from Hampton Court, it was quiet then.'
'Did you finish off somewhere around Canvey Island' Tolu asked.
'Nah Erith..the landscape was bizarre, like something out of that film Hook, dotted with rotting pirate boats and shit.'
'Cool, that must've been quite the project. I would never have thought about recording something like that through sound.'
'A big part of the work was on how you would document it, if you decided to use film, you would be judged by the way you'd go about filming it, the techniques you used, even the very process of filming it. But with sound, it's different.'
'That's interesting.'
'Yeah I mean, I'm more interested in music now. Like songs for instance they're like a memory bank of stuff that's happened, music triggers off all sorts of mental stuff...'
'That's deep,' Tolu said.
'So did you go to uni?' he then asked somewhat curiously.
'Yeah I did BA in Astronomy, Space Science and Astrophysics at Kent.'
'Seriously, that's a degree?' he asked a bit surprised.
'Oh yeah,' Tolu replied.
'Wow, that's different!' he said suddenly taking more of an interest in her. 'So you into stars and cosmos and science and shit?'
'Yeah, something like that' Tolu said laughter in her voice. She was used to people's reactions when she told them what and where she had studied. She had to admit, it was a pretty random course to do, especially if you're a black girl from a working class family living in Peckham.
'You should have applied for a job at the Science Museum.'
'Yeah well, I like to be different,' she said in a deadpan voice.
'Ah I need a job,' Slick said then, 'It's so bad being back at home after living out for three years.'
'I know' Tolu said. He probably didn't know how good he had it compared to her.
Just then the lady who gave out the forms returned. 'Okay great, so lets go around the room and you can tell us about the person you've been talking to.' One by one, everyone offered up random bits of information about the person sitting next to them, what they were doing, a general story or opinion, a lame joke here and there- though most people opted out of offering a joke deeming them to be inappropriate for the interview setting. Tolu quickly gathered that almost everyone in the room was either a graduate or a post-graduate. They were all arty and creative and thus they ended up where most arty and creative people did, applying for low-paid and morale-destroying jobs, for society didn't have room for the artist. After the introductions were done with, and the lame jokes offered up, Erin got down to business.
'So just to make this clear, you're all here for the retail positions at the Natural History Museum, is that right?' Everyone around the room nodded and chorused a vague yes'.
'Good. If you get it you'll be paid about £6.19 an hour.'
'Isn't that the national minimum wage?' Rabbit Girl asked surprised
'Yes, something like that,' Erin replied skittishly. Suddenly Tolu didn't feel quite so bad for looking so street.
The morning continued to drag on. They were split up into two groups. Tolu ended up with Miss Priss, Pretty Boy, Afroman and the Red-Head. They went into another room and concocted a sufficiently cringey play to highlight the do's and don't's of customer service. Tolu volunteered to play the kid who presents his weird drawing of the dinosaur to the shop assistant. Miss Priss would play his mother and Afroman, the awful sales assistant who would crack up laughing at the drawing and take pictures of it. Pretty Boy would then play the over-helpful and polite assistant who would help Red-Head pick a good book. Once they were done rehearsing they went back into the board room to join the others and there they performed their D-grade play to the others. It was positively awful. The next group followed and began displaying a number of illustrations the creative genius, Nerdy had done. Rabbit Girl and Slick offered well-timed one liners in order to make the experience a little less dire. God, what happened to the good old days of just giving your CV out in shops, Tolu thought as she watched the group from her seat. This was just plain rubbish, a bloody three hour inquisition for a temporary minimum- wage shop assistant position. What was the world coming too! Once they were done, the members of the group took their seats and Erin stood up and explained to them what they would have to do next.
'Outside there are a number of objects, what you have to do is try to sell them. Try to remember the acronym FAB when you're up here, the features, advantages and benefits of the product. Now who wants to go first?'
Rabbit Girl volunteered herself, she went outside and came back with a small ornate elephant.
'What I have here is a beautiful ornate elephant...' she said twirling the object in her hand 'It's hand-carved and ethnic, perfect for the mantle peace or to prop up books...'
She sat down after she had run out of things to say. Miss Priss was next, she picked out a small tub of lotion from the body-shop.
'It's perfect for those of you with dry skin. It smells glorious...' she continued, it was almost unbearable to watch. This went on for a while. Pretty Boy tried to sell a pack of throat Soothers, claiming that they were instilled with magic dust and were known for their marvellous healing qualities. Nerdy presented a small Spongebob treasure chest. Slick, got a small Australian flag, his piece was by far the most entertaining, marked by an incredulous sarcasm and humour.
'I'd sell it for minus 30p,' he finished. Tolu could tell that her comrades were just as horrified and in awe of the whole ridiculous charade as she was. All this for a £6.19 an hour job. Is this what it's come to, life?
Tolu was the last to go. She went outside and looked at all the objects on the table, they had all been used apart from one- a pair of tacky bangles. Ah hell, she thought picking them up and walking back into the room.
'Err so I have a pair of stunning pearl-studded bracelets here,' she began feeling more and more stupid with every word. 'You can wear one on each wrist, or on each ankle. They're great for kids and for the ladies and for guys too, if you're into that sort of thing...' She looked ahead at the blank faces of her fellow comrades. 'And you can even get your name engraved into the silver...' she finished. 'That was rubbish,' she said to no one in particular as they clapped for her. She quickly sat back down, she didn't care. Pants, everything about the interview was pants! I went to space school for four years for this?! Tolu thought suddenly feeling quite upset and angry at the system.
Finally Erin stood up again and offered a final few words instructing the group to keep their phones on and that they would be hearing from them shortly. As soon as she was done talking, the hipsters and creative's began to slowly file out. Tolu grabbed her bag and her jacket before she followed them. Once outside she noticed Irish Blondie and Rabbit Girl lighting up cigarettes by the doorway.
'Can you believe that?' Tolu asked them incredulously.
They both grimaced as they shook their heads in awe.
'It's insane'
'What a joke!' Rabbit Girl said. They stood there in a contemplative silence for a few seconds.
'Anyway It was nice to meet you guys' Tolu said then, 'See you around.' They both offered their goodbyes and Tolu turned around and walked towards the tube station.
As Tolu walked down the escalator at Oxford Circus station she was met by a man busking in the open underground. He was playing his guitar as he sung The Smiths.
Take me out tonight
Take me anywhere, I don't care
I don't care, I don't care
And in the darkened underpass
I thought Oh God, my chance has come at last
But then a strange fear gripped me and I
Just couldn't ask
As Tolu stood and watched him a forlorn feeling washed over her, for nothing makes one more forlorn than a busker singing a song by The Smiths (or Johnny Cash for that matter). It was hypnotizing and Tolu felt herself drifting to another place. Once the song had ended she placed a few well-valued pound coins on top of the the buskers coat on the floor, they exchanged a smile and she made her way back down. On the train platform she noticed a billboard advertising a photography exhibition at the Natural History Museum and she laughed a bit. What a joke! She thought, what a joke this life was!
Tolu decided to head somewhere nice. She decided to head to Regents Park, the sun was shining and the autumn colours looked beautiful and the wind blew and suddenly she didn't feel quite so troubled. Suddenly the world made a bit more sense and seemed a bit less crazy. As she wandered around the park, Tolu noticed a familiar looking person, an old friend, Jas was sat on a park bench reading a book. She couldn't quite believe it, it really was Jas. She hadn't seen her for months.
'Jas!' Tolu called out, just then the young mixed race woman looked up.
'Tolu! She exclaimed surprised, she jumped out of her seat and hugged her friend.
'What are you doing here?'
'I just had a job interview, thought I'd go for a bit of walk...'
The two of them wandered around the park together arm-in-arm- lamenting, laughing and sharing woeful stories of life as unemployed bums. They finally settled on a bench by the fountains, opposite the park gardeners and Jas regaled Tolu with stories of her recent travels and read her some of a short story from a horror book she was reading. Tolu felt glad then, that she went to the interview, for it led to her to being there with her friend, after such a long, long time apart....
When Tolu checked her phone that evening she saw she had a received a voice-mail, she was hesitant to check it. She did and through the phone she heard Erin's voice, 'we want to invite you to the assessment day at the Natural History Museum, give us a call back and we'll give you the details.' Tolu couldn't believe it. She got through, beat up Reeboks an' all. But she thought then, she thought carefully- did she really want to go for another assessment day? Another uber-lame group interview? Was it worth it? Ah of course she would go- just for the laugh, for the experience and for where it could lead. Maybe to another long lost friend, another interesting conversation, another opportunity...who knew.
