Wednesday, 20 July 2016

half thoughts and day dreams

“There is a loneliness more precious than life. There is a freedom more precious than the world. Infinitely more precious than life and the world is that moment when one is alone with God.”
― Rumi

what remains, when everything else falls away, what remains- an enduring connection spanning a thousand half-life's... with the creator of all things. 
 just this: and your thoughts, your imagination, your memories--- the things you create and the things you write, the things you project into the void, all those moments, that only you can bear witness to... sitting at a train station with all your belongings wondering where to go next... drifting in the rain through countless city streets and along rivers with names unknown... watching the sunrise over the east sea, a peace and quiet descends, this year I've spent so many days and nights alone, wandering by the sea, in the bush and on streets, in cities so foreign, I've spent so much time living parts of the world, liked I've lived London my whole life, haphazardly, curiously, never knowing what's round the corner, taking my time, to look and look again, to connect with the present and all that exists within it, and it's so strange, and so freeing, to live as a stranger, in a place, where you don't speak the language, where you often find yourself lost, where you don't have to communicate, you can just smile sometimes, and nod as though you understand, where you bump into people in unlikely places who fast become friends, and accept small kindnesses not knowing if you'll ever be able to return them... 

and what remains, when everything perishes------ just this feeling, and it won't leave you....'s that feeling you get, at the end of every journey, when the train speeds away, or when the plane takes off, and you're there on it, thinking about everything... and everything blurs, every place, every face, every break down, every epiphany, every sunset and that feeling, it's inexplicable, its a sadness, and a euphoria, of knowing and not knowing... words fall short, so often, too often, and life is sacred, and its only during my travels, having torn myself away from everything and everyone I know, that I've truly understood that; life is sacred, and often unattainable, so I write often, I write wherever I go and sometimes when I read my writings, I think where have I been all my life, everything is so fractured and illusory and dreamlike so often, but it's nice to know, that once upon a time, it was real and I did it. 

one day, I just woke up and decided to go... and I hope to live out my whole life in this vein, bravely, ceasing opportunities, though they may be riddled with uncertainty...and as long I have faith in God and his plan for me, as long I have an imagination and retain this ability to make friends wherever I go. I know I'll be okay.... Alhamdulillah.