To Die Alone

This poem was inspired by an article I read about the mugging and subsequent death of Paula Castle, may she rest in peace. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-20425595

To Die Alone

Oh selfish world, so cruel and unkind

I'll be happy to finally be leaving you behind

and maybe I'll find peace where I'm going

for there's none here;
on this cold earth, there's only fear,

for what the days and nights may bring.

I won't cling

to life any more...

He died- my son, my husband too

They left me here alone, it's true.

And alone I have been

and alone I have felt

and alone I have dealt

with the blows life have brung 

and quiet and stoic, I've hung

out my clothes to dry,

along with so many hopes

that had gone awry...

Long ago I stopped speaking to people,

for they don't understand or care

empathy has always been rare.

I never let it show

the slow

agony of a solitary life

I never watched him grow

He never watched me age

I felt so much rage

build inside over the years

how many silent tears

have fallen down these 

weathered cheeks

blinding...

For it's these tears that have made me

partially blind,

and when they pushed me,

to the ground

I couldn't breathe, 

I couldn't see,

I couldn't find

myself.

I was so scared

I heard a young boy,

his voice cold

he told

me to give him my bag

But I didn't have time,

a trick of the mind

I thought

but suddenly, 

with one swift push

I fell and

my head hit the concrete

it was a lowly defeat.

...and as I lay alone, I hissed

Am I going to die like this?

Is this really how it's going to end?

I needed to lend

myself the strength

But I didn't have any left.

The ground was so cold

and I was so old

right there, I watched my life unfold

before me...

And as I lay

shook and afraid

the brightness of the sun,

half blinded this blind soul

Life had taken it's toll.

I leave behind this world. 

I don't know it any more

these streets, these crimes,

what are they all for?

Long ago I tore myself away

from the cruelness of life

I kept myself to myself

but strife

found it's way back to me

and in this cold alley

I lay dying

and silently crying to myself

is this the end?