Sunday, 27 October 2013

Royal Victoria Patriotic Building this Gothic Building, it looks esp beautiful in the moonlight. The Royal Victoria Patriotic Building, Wandsworth, was built in 1859 as an "asylum" for girls orphaned in the Crimean War....

-a moment-

Saturday, 26 October 2013

-----to go.

not much room, ---------------for a mushroom (man)

The Principals of Uncertainty

...the most beautiful book I've read in forever...

I don’t want to trudge up insane mountains or through war-torn lands.
Just a nice stroll through hill and dale.

But now I walk everywhere in the city. Any city. You see everything you need to
see for a lifetime. Every emotion. Every condition. Every fashion. Every glory.
—Maira Kalman

Maira Kalman paints her highly personal worldview in an inimitable combination of image and text.

The Principles of Uncertainty is an irresistible invitation to experience life through the psyche of Maira Kalman, one of America's most beloved artists. The result is a book that is part personal narrative, part documentary, part travelogue, part chapbook, and all Kalman. Her brilliant, whimsical paintings, ideas, and images-which initially appear random-ultimately form an intricately interconnected worldview, an idiosyncratic inner monologue. Kalman contends with some existential questions-What is identity? What is happiness? Why do we fight wars? And then, of course, death, love, and candy (not necessarily in that order).


autumn leaves, heartbreak dreams

magic shrooms

the armless angel of the vale

the depth of life/ the death of life

Graves and Gold

I've wandered through many cemeteries over the years, Nunhead, Highgate, Abney Park, Streatham..... however up until now I'd never been to Putney Vale Cemetery. In fact, I never actually knew it existed... I sort of stumbled upon it on a wander through Wimbledon Common. An incredibly eerie, yet magnificent place- old carved headstones, gold leaves sweeping across the ground, the whistle the wind and the cry of a crows...peace perfect peace....


Thursday, 24 October 2013

The Fear of being Dis(Connected)

I lost my phone tonight... I think I left it on a bench on the top of Horsenden Hill. It was strange, when I found out I'd lost it I was really quite anxious and peeved..... then I was relieved....then I sort of almost believed... that I'd lost it for a reason, and that it was a sign. To be real, to be true, I've been trying to lose my phone for the past six months. I've been trying to disconnect for a long time and this last year there have been more than a few occasions where I've very nearly done it, thrown my mash-up mobile in the river or tossed it in the bin. Lord I want to be free!

-be careful what you wish for- 

So as I was sat on the 437 bus in Alperton rummaging desperately inside my trampy bag full of random crap (inc. a phone charger, a wad of torn sheets and miscellaneous foil wrappers) man I was really scared! It dawned on me almost immediately that I hadn't saved a single number! My mate said she was going to call me in a couple of hours. I was expecting a text message from a colleague and another friend still needed to confirm a date we had planned. I could just picture my phone there on that lonely bench in the dark night on top of the hill going off every few minutes, a phone call, a text message....maybe the light would continue to flash on and off all night, all the while I would never know. I would never receive those messages that were meant for me. 

So I got back to Hanger Lane station and jumped on the tube, and the whole journey home I kept thinking of all the people who I could only get hold off via the phone; elderly friends who don't have emails, others who never check them... How would I find them? How could I get in touch? My thoughts kept backing onto themselves, what if someone text or called me, who would answer, maybe some druggie or a pimp, what would they say? And what about my mate who's coming from Scotland soon, how would she get in touch? What if someone needs to get hold of me? What if I need to get hold of someone? 

And then there's that one person, the person I would talk to everyday on the phone, the person who's call or text I would anticipate....would it go straight to voicemail....would they send me a text instead? Would they be worried if they didn't receive a reply? Hmm maybe they wouldn't, maybe no one would? Maybe no one actually really cared? There was that very distinct and real possibility, that no one would notice or care... that actually my phone wouldn't go off at all. Rather it would just remain there, still, silent and cast off.

I finally got off the train at Stockwell. As I walked down the platform I bumped straight into a friend, in fact I almost fell into her arms! We shared a warm and much-needed (on my side at least) hug before we sat down on a bench at the station and talked about all sorts of things. I mentioned to her I had lost my phone and she said, well you know I never really used to text you much. It was true. We would just find a way of coming together, when we needed to, sort of like this chance encounter at Stockwell station. She mostly knew where to find me, and I mostly knew where I could find her. Your real friends will hunt you down, she said before departing. Needless to say I was left feeling a lot more comforted and certain (about life in general).

And so I've decided to go phone-less, I'm not sure for how long, or what the outcome will be, perhaps total alienation or on the other hand a heightened sense of peace and clarity? Either way, I'm excited to find out! All the while it's a still a bit difficult to process that my humble mash-up £10 Samsung with all its number, with all the special messages that I could never bring myself to delete and all the drafts of half poems and rhymes; it probably lies up on that hill now, or at the surface of a bin or maybe even in the Grand Union Canal. Who knows. All I know is that I kind of almost hope it doesn't turn up, but at the same time, I really hope I can find a way of staying connected to those I really care about. The Joys of being (Dis)Connected; I guess this is where the real learning begins!

to stare-------(indifference)

-mingling with starlight-


Parakeets in the Western Sky

Love Grows


against the city lights

speed of the city

fire and straw


Tuesday, 22 October 2013

About Time

'Lesson Number One: All the time travelling in the world can't make someone love you'

I caught About Time a couple days ago at Showcase, it was def by far the best film I've seen in ages; poignant, positive and pretty magical... 

The night after another unsatisfactory New Year party, Tim's father tells his son that the men in his family have always had the ability to travel through time. Tim can't change history, but he can change what happens and has happened in his own life-so he decides to make his world a better getting a girlfriend. Sadly, that turns out not to be as easy as you might think.

I loved everything about this film; I loved the time travel aspect, I loved the connections the characters shared, the settings (split between urban London and the beautiful Cornish coast), I loved the humour, the fact that there were a number of scenes that perfectly captured that unique British quirkiness and quiet non-showy affection. I loved the natural and very human relationship between the two main characters Tim and Mary. I loved Tim, his gawkiness, his charm, his compassionate and caring nature and his essential kindness. His was a journey I felt the viewer could truly feel part of; the journey into finding yourself through others; a journey about time. That’s what I most loved about this film, its heartening message on time, the very thing that holds life together.     

I came away from the theatre having processed one quite clear message; a message that I already knew, but sort of needed reminding of. Time is a gift. 

Time is a gift and it's up to you how you use it. In one of my favourite scenes, Tim comes to the realization that much of the time, it isn't about changing time, it isn't about time at all, rather it's about perception, and so he lives the same day over twice, he turns a bad day into a good one by just adjusting his perception of the events strung together by time. By taking control of the way he feels, he decides to focus on all the beauty and positivity the day held, instead on dwelling in apathy, on the misery and tedium of a mundane and too ordinary day. And this, I feel, is at the crux of the film; we decide how we feel about something, time doesn't.

Going back in time can offer you the opportunity to change how you react to an event, you can almost begin to make sense of it with new insights that time may shed light on, this is true enough. However, time doesn't dictate that reaction. It's more about what we do with our time, whether we work with it or against it. Because it doesn't matter how many times you go back in time, you'll still be that same person. Essentially Tim never really changes when he goes back, how he acts or reacts to an event does. In the end it's our choice whether or not we want to be positive, to see the world in a positive way, to filter experience and take away with us those things that make us better people. Good things.   

Often to act is far more difficult than to understand, for I've always understood this. As long as I remember I've held fast to this philosophy; the philosophy of seeking out beauty in the small details; to be receptive and kind, to live well and to give to others; to take both the good and the bad in your stride, to in fact, turn the bad into an opportunity to recreate yourself and yourself. 

It’s about going with time, not against it, for time isn't against us. It just is, to a degree what we perceive it to be, to the extent that it may not even exist. But if it does, if it is real and tangible to you, time can be anything you want it to be. It can be an enemy, an acquaintance, an old friend, time can be a stranger, or an estranged member of your family--- time is what you make of it. Perception however, is the thing that alters the way you view time, and existence and the rest of it.... The message of the film also sort of reminded me of an old poem I wrote.... which I think, in a way epitomises that very message. 

Vague But Beautiful

this vague life man,
it's beyond beautiful 
it's a fact man
it's irrefutable
for even the impossible 

in this world, is doable, 

if you just believe
if you just conceive
of it, so lead a life 
that's beautiful, that's full 
of all the good things
for good breeds good
so just take the time  
you just take the time
to seek it out, beauty, it's all about
it can be found in a smile 
in a supermarket aisle
or set against a sunset, 
from a high place,
from the roof of neasdon temple
 from the top of hampstead heath
beneath it all, there is beauty
just be and see, really see
the small details 
the shadows and light
everything's more than alright
when you just, 

Coloured Condensation

Baggeridge Country Park

....a beautiful place in Staffordshire. Def worth a visit if you're ever in the area...
 Find out more about Baggeridge
-summer in the mind-

-spring in the soul-

-autumn in the heart-

The Woods